“He took me to a different place. Unlike anything I had ever experienced.”

by Christopher Rudolph for NewNowNext

I have an ex-boyfriend who almost killed me. I loved him more than anything in the whole world, Nico Tortorella writes in a new personal essay for The Berry.

The Younger actor reveals that the boyfriend is not actually a person, but alcohol.

In the post Tortorella reflects on his past relationship with drinking and all of the negative ways it impacted his life:

I first met him when I was a kid. He was good friends with everyone in my family. I literally grew up in a bar, it was the family business.

What started off innocently escalated to a problem when he got to Hollywood and began partying even hardereventually moving to New York where his addiction got out of control. This city breeds an obsession with him. Anyone that lives here knows what Im talking about.

Tortorella reveals how hes embarrassed himself on the drug countless times:

Ive been locked out of my house, passed out in places no one should ever see, been arrested for public urination, and pissed the bed weekly. I fell off the boardwalk on Fire Island and was covered in poison oak, got a head full of dread lock extensions, terrible tattoos and been thrown out of respectable establishments, hotels, and family members homes. Ive brought people down with me, broken hearts and destroyed some incredible relationships.

He even describes a scary experience of accidentally swallowing a beer bottle cap that resulted in a trip to the emergency room.

He knew he needed to change his destructive behavior.

After a long 10 years together, much of which I dont remember as I am a blackout pro, I ended the relationship. It was the single most important decision Ive ever made, Tortorella wrote. January 13, 2017 will mark two years since he got sober.

Not a single day goes by that I dont think about him.